“Interview With The Devil” by Mark Leiron-Young

I’m not sure what I intended to do with the teleplay, but after reading Mark’s original treatment, I felt moved to adapt the story into a TV play in five acts. My ‘purpose’ was to explain what had happened in the Garden of Eden, the “Fall” and the beginning of humanity as we now know it.

(Please note that I have stylized the infernal character names to match two individuals from my screenplay “Raelity”. The interviewer is the author, Mark.)

SAM: You’ve got to remember that the whole thing was an experiment from the very beginning, and, like all good experimenters, when GOD found the facts didn’t fit the theory, HE fudged it. You see the first man, Adam, had the brain of a flea. Eve, on the other hand, was a pretty together lady. They didn’t get along.

MARK: What went wrong?

SAM: Adam was afraid of Eve, and kept throwing rocks at her. Finally Eve decided that Adam was a dolt, so she planned to hitch-hike west. GOD was not amused. HE’d created the two of them as a matching set and wasn’t willing to have HIS Master Plan thwarted just because HIS first human was mentally defective.

MARK: What did he do?

SAM: HE told them that they had to stay together because they were married. Adam agreed as usual, but Eve had reservations. So she plotted how to break free of the ties that bind.

MARK: Is that when she ate the Apple?

SAM: It was a Fig, not an Apple! Anyway, you’re making me get ahead of my story.

MARK: Sorry.

SAM: This was where I came into the story, because I thought, if I could talk Eve into partaking of the forbidden fruit, she’d realize that she could sue Adam for divorce on the grounds of nonconsummation and the whole experiment would have to be annulled.

MARK: Obviously it didn’t turn out that way.

SAM: Adam helped himself to the forbidden fruit, too, and contrary to popular opinion, the first thing they discovered was not their nakedness. By the time GOD had come back from lunch, though, they had put some clothes on.

MARK: That must have given them away.

SAM: It did. When HE asked Adam what they’d done, Adam selflessly declared, “She made me do it, honest.” This prompted GOD to condemn women to suffer during childbirth, which immediately caused Eve to regret their first discovery.

MARK: So, according to you, what Eve did wasn’t so much an act against GOD as an attempt to escape Eden.

SAM: Yes. Her transgression was the best thing that ever happened to the human race.

MARK: And we should be thankful Eve listened to you?

SAM: Not really…I also suggested birth control.

At this moment, Hazy enters the office door to escort Mark back to the elevator. As Mark leaves the office, he looks back at Sam, who silently mouths the words, “I’ll be seeing you.” Mark looks like he hopes not, as we

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY AT ELEVATOR DOORS – NIGHT (for the last time, no windows)

Mark is scratching his head. Hazy is waiting for the inevitable question.

MARK: Hazy. Tell me, please. What really happened at the Garden of Eden?

HAZY: Good Question, Mark, because what happened at the Garden was the real cause of the Fall.

MARK: How do you mean?

HAZY: My boss fell in love with Eve!

MARK: What?!!

HAZY: He fell in love with her. He could see that she was not getting the kind of attention she deserved from Adam, so he began to spend time with her. It wasn’t long before they became involved.

MARK: But I thought angels don’t have sex.

HAZY: That was the Fall. In order ro be with her physically, my boss had to give up his high position.

MARK: So when I said that he was no angel, I was edging onto a touchy subject with him.

HAZY: Yes. What hurt him most was that she took everything he taught her and turned around and showed Adam. He felt betrayed.

MARK: Now it all makes sense: no wonder he has it in for all human beings!

HAZY: That’s right. Since he could no longer trust their motives, he set out to prove to GOD how rotten they all were.

MARK: Thanks, Hazy, you’ve given me more than I can ever thank you for.

HAZY: (laughing) Don’t worry, Mark, you’ll get our bill in the morning.

Mark steps into the elevator, waves to Hazy as the doors close and we

CUT TO:

INT. CHEAP ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT – DAWN

Mark is startled to find himself seated in front of the computer in his own room. As he wearily peers at the monitor, he realizes that there is a message flashing repeatedly. The message is: “I/O ERROR”. Mark begins to laugh hysterically. When he regains his self-composure, he reaches for the power button.

MARK: There isn’t a hope in Hell that I’m going to do that again!

Mark pushes the button off and, with the screen winking off, we

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END