No Sugar Tonight (1970)
Lonely feeling deep inside
Find a corner where I can hide
Silent footsteps crowding me
Sudden darkness but I can seeNo sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with meIn the silence of her mind
Quiet movements where I can find
Grabbing for me with her eyes
Now I’m falling from her skiesNo sugar tonight in my coffee
Burton Cummings / Randy Bachmann
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me
I’m letting some songs do most of my talking these days. This one is related to a dream I had last night that comes from a remembrance of something that happened in the early 1970s, so the soundtrack is accurate for the memory. I won’t be discussing the event, just the feeling of emptiness that came later.
Karma has been on my mind. As an karmic astrologer, I see the effects of it everyday when I draw up birth charts. And because of my focus on reincarnation, the charts present me with a stark reminder that we are all ONE.
Most people come into the world bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Some bear the burdens of past life memories which cloud the sunny days of youth, the so-called halcyon years.
I am one of those individuals.
My search to know myself has led me to come very unpleasant truths: I was not a very good person in my recent past. Nor the one before that one. I’ve had some bright spots throughout the centuries, but overall I have had an awful track record. During my time in the psychic development circle at Cynthia’s home, I was placed in the ‘west’ of the four quadrants of the group: that was her way of letting my unconscious know that I had a long way to go to arrive at full-consciousness. The point wasn’t lost on me.
What most concerns me is that others are wary of me: perhaps they ‘know’ of my past lives and are assuming that I will revert to type, whatever that may be. At 17, my present wife said that she couldn’t trust me not to hurt her, emotionally. That’s why we didn’t get together properly until we were in our late 50’s, some forty years later. And she may have been right…
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Galatians 6:7 (KJV)
If you come into this world with a clear conscience (the past having been wiped out), you can get on with the job of living without pondering the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’. But, some day, you will be faced with the same scenario from a past life, or two, to see if you can do better this time. Without conscious awareness, these tests can be tricky to pass.
And it doesn’t really get easier when you’re ‘woke’. So, perhaps the Golden Rule is the only way to measure up to a higher standard. But most people are still way too selfish to understand that.
So my question at the beginning of this post is what I want to say to myself and all of you:
Can we ever really forgive ourselves?
cdsmiller17 
“Being an individual is thus related to the experience of being an only child, an experience which has two major aspects: one positive and one negative. The positive aspect is the experience of being the favored one, of having no rivals with whom to compete for the available attention, interest, and love. The negative aspect of being an only child is that it means being lonely.” (Ego and Archetype – Page 171)
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“I know a lot of girls who didn’t have their fathers,” Dr. Allen said. “But yours did something theirs’ didn’t: He came back… Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving; it’s for you.” (The Good Doctor, Season 4 Episode 13)
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